counseling-to-new-heights

Embracing the Unknown in 2025

Wed, 08 Jan 2025 00:01:48 GMT

An early morning contemplation

Early in the morning hours, a few weeks ago, hardly awake, my thoughts shifted to the coming new year. What would the new year hold? And strangely enough the word that came to mind as I lay there and pondered was the word unknown . Well, that’s not the most inspiring word for the new year I thought. In the past few years, I’ve made it a point to ask God for a special word for my life for each new year (words like joy, abide, gaze) but this time it was a bit unusual. I do know there will be coming change in my life this year as my husband Dave will be retiring after a long career. (don’t worry, I’m not retiring) But what else?

As I write this blog, I reflect on the last year for myself and the people in my life. For many it was a great year: with new beginnings, new marriages, new jobs, new babies, and new opportunities. Yet, for others, it was filled with heartache and loss. One friend lost her mom a week before Christmas and felt numb and deeply sad. Another friend was weary and exhausted as she helped her daughter get through breast cancer, a double mastectomy and care for her two small children. Another friend struggled to get through the holidays after the loss of her teenage son a few years ago.

That’s the thing. With each new year that any of us face, we truly don’t know what’s ahead. Sure, we make plans, some of us make New Year’s resolutions, set new goals, start a diet plan, etc. Others decide to let life happen. Que sera, sera.

Either way, whatever personality style individuals may have and no matter what any of us humans do to try to prevent suffering, heartache and loss, we are truly powerless. The reality is that we live in a fallen world with brokenness, disappointments and loss despite all we do to avoid suffering and pain.

Throughout the day after my early morning contemplating and the foreboding word Unknown came; I asked myself, what do I know to be true? What is known in my life? What do I have certainty about since so much of life is uncertain? Where can I put my confidence for the new year 2025?

The answer came. It was loud and clear. God. Oh right, yes, Him. It is faith in a God who loves me and knows the future and every detail of my life. I was reminded of how the move to Colorado was so daunting and scary. The jobs I thought I had fell through and my daughter and I lived on savings for 6 months. I had moved everything I had from Oregon, closed a private practice, sold my house and moved to Colorado to start a new life. Since the jobs didn’t pan out, I volunteered at a church food bank and through that we had plenty of groceries. We didn’t know anyone, yet in 6 weeks I met Dave, the man I would marry the following year. The unknown was not known when we left Oregon in torrential rain, driving a giant Penske truck, and pulling my Subaru- but we came with hope and expectation. It was rocky for sure, and I was tested to the very core of my being. There were days with lots of tears, fear would overwhelm me, yet God put everything together like a giant puzzle, piece by piece. I’m actually grateful I didn’t know how hard that move was going to be because I might have changed my mind! It was the greatest risk I’ve ever taken, yet with the greatest reward.

As I embrace the Unknown in 2025 with what is known - that God is with me , I encourage you to find that grounding as well. Find those verses in the Bible to ground you. Verses like Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.” And, in Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Both are ancient promises given to the children of Israel, but also promises for you and me as we put our trust in Him. Will you join me in embracing 2025 with faith? Let’s be grounded in a relationship with the God who loves us, knows us intimately and holds us close to His side.

Could a Simple Daily Ritual Combat Holiday Stress?

Sat, 09 Nov 2024 20:51:06 GMT

Be empowered this Season

With the holidays approaching, it can come with a lot of mixed feelings. Some people are so excited and love hosting family gatherings, cooking up a storm, baking and decorating. Others feel overwhelmed, dread all the events and shopping, as well as the expenses of keeping up with expected demands from family or friends. Some find it a very lonely time and just want it to be over with and may be grieving the loss of a loved one. And then, there’s always the stress about what to buy for those persnickety family members!!

I had the privilege of being in Nashville, Tennessee several years ago, *before covid and before moving to Colorado. I attended a counseling conference with 7,000 people and there were over 400 presentations to choose from. I happened to choose one by Dr. Robert Emmons who is a professor at UC Davis. He has spent 30 years doing research on the emotional and physical health benefits of having a spirit of gratefulness. I was so fascinated by his research and his findings and especially how it impacts our mood during times of stress.

Dr. Emmons has done numerous studies and one he repeatedly does is with college students. He divides up his classes into 3 groups. One group is asked to write about 5 things each day they are grateful for, the second group writes about just the things they did that day- neutral writing and the 3 ^rd group is asked to write about all the negative things that happened to them that day.

The results showed:

Those students who wrote about the events that they were grateful for reported higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. They also had better sleep, increased their amount of exercise, and had increased positive interactions in their relationships. Those students with neutral writing had no change in their lives and those who wrote about negative events reported feeling more depressed and unhappy than before-makes sense, right?

National Research has shown that grateful people tend to be more empathetic, generous and more helpful to people in their social networks. They also report greater job satisfaction, better salaries, and have a lower emphasis on materialism in their lives. There is also a strong connection between gratefulness and people who engage in religious practices and prayer. Faith seems to enhance the ability to be grateful.

So, if psychologists can see the benefits of this spirit of gratefulness, it’s interesting to note that the Bible mentions being thankful 150 times. “Praise the Lord, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, his love endures forever.” Psalm 106:1, and in Psalm 28:7 it says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks.”

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Dr. Emmons found that when people look for the surprises in each day, the unexpected little miracles, the smile from a stranger, the red robin chirping in the tree, a hug from a family member, a positive business interaction, etc… when we focus on those kinds of things we are actually connecting to the divine, to our creator, our loving heavenly father, and we are strengthening our mental and emotional fortitude to face life’s challenges. Just recently, while making sugar cookies with my grandchildren, I saw the delight and thrill in their eyes as they made their cookie creations. The simple joy of creating their craft, lifted my heart and made me smile.

So, a spirit of gratefulness keeps us connected to our heavenly father, his creation and his divine work in our lives. A spirit of gratefulness is honoring Him.

Every day that we notice the goodness of God, the sun rise, and the simple surprises in life, we are building up our inner self and soul. We are building up our faith. We are strengthening our ability to handle life challenges, difficulties in relationships and prioritize what’s important and not. It’s our work…I believe there is an alignment with faith and a spirit of gratitude. I see the light of God enter my soul as I embrace thoughts of gratitude.

This year as we approach the holidays, I challenge you to slow the pace, breathe, and journal 3-5 things a day about what you are grateful for as an antidote for stress. Everyday decide to write about simple surprises and try not to repeat any item. Make it creative and inspiring. Try it for 30 days and see how it impacts you this season. Drop me a note and let me know how it impacted you. For my first journal note, I’m grateful for all of you. May you be blessed this season with peace, joy and gratitude.

Learning to Walk in Daily Forgiveness

Sun, 15 Sep 2024 20:13:50 GMT

How would your life change if you added this daily habit?

As a young girl, my parents taught me and all my siblings (when I say all I mean 9) to say our bedtime prayers each evening before bed. A part of that prayer was to always ask Jesus to forgive our sins. I remember that I said it so often it became a ritual with little meaning-on top of that I don’t remember being asked to be specific about whether I had really done anything to sin that day. I guess my parents just assumed that since we were kids, we would sin every day! I definitely had it ingrained in my mind that I was a sinner, and I’d better repent each day, or else, the else was I’d possibly go to hell if I forgot. I was very scared of that.

Now, as a much older grown woman, and even able to call myself a grandma 6 times, I no longer say those ritual prayers and I also no longer only see myself as someone who has sinned or sins, but now I can say with much inner work and spiritual healing that I am a daughter of God, and deeply loved and cherished by my Heavenly Father. It wasn’t easy to get to this place, to sense God’s grace and love instead of the harsh God I was raised with. It’s been a journey over the years in my spiritual walk to fully recognize His love in my life and I still remind myself of this on a regular basis.

Recently, the Lord has been having me circle back to this daily ritual, but in a new way. I’ve had some health issues in the last few years which have caused me to reflect, do research and make significant changes to my diet and lifestyle. I’ve created better boundaries for myself to lower stress and increase homeostasis and taken more time to eat healthy. As part of this work, I recognized in a greater way that harboring negative emotions can also impact a person’s physical health and probably way more than any of us realize. So, this last summer, everything that I’ve been reading or listening to has somehow brought up this topic to forgive people in my life who have hurt me. The list I created even included people from years ago, ones I’ve forgotten, but the unforgiveness was still buried deep within. I decided to do this great healing work of purging all this resentment and to forgive each person from the past. I was surprised how many names came up. From this work, the question came to my mind-How would my life change if I developed the habit of daily forgiveness? Not in some rote way as I grew up, but in a living, breathing, vibrant way of recognizing when an arrow pierced me or even if there were pings that impacted me from rude comments or hurtful things others might say or do that affected me. Would this help me not only emotionally, but also physically?

So, thus the challenge began. It started out okay, and I really thought I had the hang of it over several weeks, as I truly began to feel lighter and more joyful. Each morning, I would think about the previous day and decide if I had harbored any negative feelings from interactions and events the prior day. If I had, I would immediately forgive. This is very cool I thought. I’m getting the hang of this habit; I think I’ve got this down. But then I got whammed!! A very rude comment that came unexpectedly at a family gathering I traveled to attend. What??? Really??? How rude I thought- a bit in shock. I pushed it aside initially, but after coming home from the trip and back to my daily life, the anger, the bitterness and resentment started brewing. I began to repeat this in my head over and over. So much for that new habit I had developed of practicing daily forgiveness; it just flew out the window as soon as something tough got thrown at me. So much for the spiritual muscle I had been developing. That muscle went limp awfully quick, nearly flat as a pancake. I thought I was stronger than this… So, here I am writing this blog. Pondering this event and how I lost my good feelings of “letting go” on a regular basis and walking in daily forgiveness. So much freedom and joy down the drain in a few minutes. Am I really going to lose my joy over this person’s rudeness? Am I going to let myself focus on this negative event over all the other wonderful positive interactions I had that weekend?

It comes down to a choice. It’s a decision to get back on the path I was on. To stay salty in the saltless places; to shine my light in the murky places. To get that bounce back in my step. To decide not to hold that comment against that person any longer. I will stop replaying this in my mind over and over. I will stop being a victim of that comment or negative behavior I experienced. This is not in my hula hoop, that comment from that person can stay in their hula hoop. That decision to “let go” of that anger and forgive that person brought a lightness and spring to my step today. It certainly wasn’t easy, but so worth it. I’m back on the path. So, how about you? Ready to take the plunge? Or shall I say, ready to take the step on the path of daily forgiveness? Let’s do this.

Time to Slow Down!

Tue, 23 Jul 2024 21:27:44 GMT

A few months ago, I was driving my trusty Subaru Ruby to see a friend and meet her for a walk around Clement Lake. It was a hectic Friday afternoon with traffic and the left lane I was in was backed up with cars that were not moving. I decided I should change lanes and move into the middle lane. I turned my head to make sure there was no traffic coming and pushed on the gas, and SMASH! I jammed the left front of my car into the woman’s SUV in front of me. The whole front side of my car was crushed, and I could barely open my door. I sat there shaking for a moment and could hardly breathe. I couldn’t believe I had done that. How could I have misjudged the space between cars? I’ve changed lanes thousands of times and never misjudged the space.

My thoughts were interrupted by the woman in front of me who got out of her SUV and came over to my car, "Are you okay?” she said, “Yes, I’m okay.” I said, “Praise the Lord, we’re both okay,” she exclaimed. Wow, so kind. I had flash of a memory of an accident as a young woman, where the person I hit came out yelling and screaming at me and literally jerked me out of my car, so this was a welcome surprise. I called Dave and then called the police and was able to move my car out of the way of traffic to the left. I did end up getting a ticket, but nobody was hurt, and I was able to drive my car home. The woman I hit was a grandma and on her way to church for a baby shower with cupcakes in the backseat of her car. She remained calm throughout the time we waited for the police and even asked to pray with Dave and me. While we waited, the words that came to my mind whispered from the Lord were “Time to Slow Down.” I had caused an accident and wasn’t even pressured to be somewhere at an exact time-it was a casual get together with a friend, but I had raced down the road like I had to get there in a mad chase. Ugh.

I’m human, I made a mistake. I was very sorry that all happened, and I was shaken up for a while. I felt bad for the woman who had to get her car fixed, sad for my car, and sad for myself. I also felt anxious driving and changing lanes in the next few weeks. I ended up trading in my car and now drive a Highlander which I feel much safer in. But I’ve pondered that message from God a lot since then. I remind myself daily that I need to slow down. Not just in traffic, but in my thoughts, striving, and my many lists of things to do, etc. I tell myself daily, “slow the pace, deep breathe, one thing at a time.” It was a painful lesson, but I’m grateful I’m on the other side of it all and moving a little slower and more mindfully-a slowed down pace and a little more peace.